My name is Hanna and I’m a food abuser and sugar addict. I’m Swedish, an IT manager and living in a well-known university town in the UK. Since I was about 12, I’ve abused chocolate. That’s when I lost all my hair forever to alopecia. Shortly after that, I was sent to boarding school which is not really a normal and healthy way for a child to grow up.
I was never bullied and always had friends, despite my handicap. But I always felt like a freak. On top of that I am a rather extreme introvert and geek and possibly borderline asexual. I won’t even get into the madness that was going on in my divorced, suicide-ridden ‘family’. That’s a whole different blog. Suffice to say, I was on my own, insecure and vulnerable. Little by little, chocolate became my best friend…
So how did a nice girl like me get hooked on a horrible drug like this? It started with my mother. She had always talked of her love for chocolate, despite being super skinny. Girls take after their mothers. From mum, I got the impression that chocolate must be something very special. I remember buying chocolate once when I was feeling awful about the alopecia. And it made me feel so good! I guess the love for chocolate/sugar was genetic, just like alcoholism is for some.
As I entered my teens I found that chocolate was always there as a comfort and pick-me-up. It doesn’t judge, it makes no demands. Because of my height slim build and skinny genes I was able to get away with it for a very long time, without getting fat. Chocolate had become a false friend, a deceptive demon that ends up controlling your mind.
As an adult I ended up in the UK, suffered the break-up from the love of my life and found myself stuck in a profession that is contrary to my personality. I feel alone, and like a failure.
Lately I plunged into depression and I now weigh over 90 kg (14 stones, 4 lbs). I’m rather tall for a woman (178 cm or 5’10”.), but this still makes me overweight. Coming from a family of only tall and slim people, I know that I’ve got nobody but myself to blame for being overweight. It’s not genetic in my case.
This blog is about me turning my life around, ditching the sugar and chocolate. Stop abusing food and stop being an antisocial introvert. Snap out of depression. It will give me a standard to live up to and set some accountability. I plan to be completely honest Perhaps I can help others too.
Hopefully I can update this “About” blurb with some more positive news later. Right now I am at rock bottom.